Speaking Effectively to Each Tendency

Whether we’re at work, at home, or out in the world, we’re all constantly trying to persuade or influence people to do what we want them to do (even if what we want them to do is to leave us alone). When we consider our own Tendency, we can create circumstances and messages that will work best for us, and when we consider other people’s Tendencies, we can create circumstances and messages that will work best for them. It’s all too easy to assume that what persuades us will persuade others-which isn’t true. One of my secrets of Adulthood is that we’re more like other people than we suppose and less like other people than we suppose. And it’s very hard to keep that in mind. In a nutshell, to influence someone to follow a certain course, it’s helpful to remember:

Upholders want to know what should be done

Questioners want justifications

Obligers need accountability

Rebels want freedom to do something their own way

Similarly, we’re more likely to be persuasive when we invoke the values that have special appeal for a particular Tendency:

Upholders value self-command and performance

Questioners value justification and purpose

Obligers value teamwork and duty

Rebels value freedom and self-identity