Having a Sense of Not Belonging: The Urge to Hide Parts of Yourself in Order to Be Enough

We all seek belonging. And we all inherently belong. Simply by being human, we belong. We’re all meant to be here, and each of us is connected to one another. I deeply believe belonging isn’t earned; it’s already in all of us. But many people grow up feeling like they don’t belong in their own family or community. They might receive messages that they have to conform in order to belong that belonging is conditional. You might have had parts of yourself shunned by those around you. You might have experienced bullying, criticism, or denial of those parts. This painful experience reinforces the belief that we don’t actually belong. When we don’t feel safe to be ourselves in one place, the whole world can become an unwelcoming place: it’s hard to put ourselves out there, to speak our truth, to be seen for all of who we are. The consequences can be devastating. We see this everywhere in our culture: high risk of suicide or alcoholism in populations and in increased rates of depression and anxiety, often coupled with loneliness and isolation. When you feel like you don’t belong (even worse, are made to feel that way by the wider culture), it can seem impossible to recognize your own value. Notice where you question your own belonging. The place that hurts when poked where there’s a wound is often the place where an old story resides.

Reflect on these questions:

Do you question whether or not you belong?

When did you first feel like you didn’t belong?

What messages did you receive that reinforced this belief? Where do you feel you most belong? Wheat environments? What People? What activities? What spaces?

Does a sense of not belonging impact how you feel about yourself?

What does belonging mean to you, and how do you know when you do belong?

#stewartlifecoaching #loveyourself #youareneveralone