4 Steps To Anger Management

How long is your anger fuse?

Becoming self-aware and able to manage our emotions are key parts of emotional intelligence.

Here’s a quick, four-step guide to anger management:

1️⃣ Think about your triggers.

What gets you irritated, annoyed, or angry in the first place?

Do you have a long fuse for small things, or a short fuse for everything?

Anger can be costly to ourselves and others. It also carries the risk of long-term damage to relationships.

I’m not saying that you or I should never get angry. But not all situations are worth the cost.

If the cost vs. benefit ratio doesn’t make sense, then consider just letting it go.

You and I don’t have to fight every fight.

2️⃣ Think about your feelings.

Learn to recognize the signs of emotional hijacking – rapid breathing and heartbeat, flushed skin, sweating, etc.

These are outward signs of inner, emotional turmoil.

Learn to self-soothe in times of tension and stress: take some deep, slow breaths or take a walk.

3️⃣ Think about your thinking.

Cognitive behavioral therapy posits that our feelings arise not from circumstances, but the mental stories we tell ourselves about our circumstances.

Some stories or thinking patterns are more anger-inducing than others.

When we magnify or catastrophize our problems, then negative emotions like frustration and anger also get magnified.

4️⃣ Think about how you express anger.

The way you and I express our feelings matters.

Using aggression or passive-aggressive strategies tend to backfire and make things worse.

Healthier alternatives are empathy and assertiveness.

Empathy helps us focus on the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of others so that we treat them with consideration and respect.

Assertiveness allows us to honestly share our feelings, without damaging the relationship.