Warning Signals Of Verbal Abuse

How can you deal with verbal abuse?
Here are 5 tactics (with examples):

1.    They keep hitting you with hurtful words, right?
And then they say: “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
Did I get it right?
Okay, let’s try using “I” Statements.
Instead of saying “You…” let’s try with “I…”.

For example, DON’T say this:
→    “You’re always attaching me. Why can’t you just be nice for once?
Instead, say this:
→    “I feel hurt when you criticize me. Can we try talking in a more positive way?”

2.    They insult you, right?
And they do that suddenly, for no “apparent reason”, correct?
Well, often there are triggers that set them off.
So?
So, try to identify those triggers.
How?

By NOT saying this:
→    “You always explode for no reason. It’s like walking on eggshells with you.”
Instead, say this:
→    “Can we talk about what makes us go all negative and figure out better ways to handle our disagreements?

3.    Everything is your fault for them, right?
And probably you’re also a loser, for them.
Well, it’s time to set some boundaries.
How?

By NOT saying this:
→    “You always talk like this. Why can’t you just be normal?”
Instead, start with this phrase:
→    “Let’s not use disrespectful language. I won’t tolerate it. Can we talk with a bit more respect?”
And then explain to them what you mean by respect (aka. your boundaries).

4.    You’re never good enough for them, right?
Sometimes you’re even embarrassing for them, correct?
Well, it’s time to express your feelings.
How?

By NOT saying this:
→    “You never care about how I feel. You’re always making me miserable.”
Instead, say this:
→    “When you say mean things, it really gets to me. I feel upset and disrespected.”

5.    They’re harsh with you, right?
And if you don’t do what they say, they’ll leave you, correct?
Okay, it’s time to figure out why they use that language.
How?

By NOT saying this:
→    “You’re crazy for talking like this. What’s wrong with you?”
Instead, say this:
→    “Can we chat about why you use such strong language? I’d really like to get where you’re coming from”.