Bad Boundaries

For as long as you do remain in a relationship with a narcissist, be prepared to endure a particular kind of strange sensati0n-a sense of being emotionally (and perhaps even physically) crowded. Along with their grandiosity, greediness, and neediness, narcissists are renowned for having what therapists refer to as bad boundaries. It’s as if they have difficulty distinguishing exactly where they stop and someone else begins. Because narcissists’ sense of self is flawed, they see others as extensions of themselves. What need is there for space and separateness in that case? In fact, feeling separate in what most of us would consider a healthy, mature sense only makes a narcissist feel isolated and frightened. Although all children go through a natural phase of separation anxiety, the narcissistic type has never fully resolved this developmental stage. If the narcissists in your life seem omnipresent, it is because they devote a lot of time and energy to being so. The nearer they are to you, physically and psychically, the more they feel they can influence you to keep them supplied with the admiration they require. The further you slip away, the more insecure they become.

Getting Ready to Cope with the Self-Absorbed

All in all, it’s not too hard to see why dealing with the self-absorption of narcissists can be a daunting prospect. Their sense of entitlement, their grandiose posturing and preoccupation with image, their obliviousness to the needs of others, their fickleness, and their continual encroaching of boundaries can be infuriating. Moreover, the fundamental insecurity that all these behaviors mask can rear its head in baffling, even frightening ways. Narcissists can turn on a dime in how they feel about you and can treat you horribly if they feel their admiration-and attention-seeking agenda is being thwarted or ignored.