The Cycle Of Boundary Violation

How can you set your boundaries?

Here’s a simple tool for you:
→    The Boundary Statement

“Are you serious?”
Yep!
Stick with me.
We’re gonna follow 6 steps.

1.    Take your journal.

2.    Ask yourself this question:
→    “What boundary do I want to establish?”

For example you can choose:
→    Personal space boundary
→    Communication at work boundary
→    Time management boundary
→    Healthy space boundary
Choose your specific boundary and write it down.

3.    Now define your boundary in one sentence.
For example, imagine you’ve chosen the Time management boundary.

Your definition could be:
→    I need 15 minutes in the evening to rest my mind.

4.    Now prepare an actual “Boundary Statement” – like a script.
“Uhm, how?”
By defining in detail what you’ve written in step 3.
“Uhm, how?”
By using  “I” Statements and being as specific as possible.
For example, imagine your Boundary Statement is intended for your partner.
What you can say is this:

“Hey, I was thinking — I need like 15 minutes in the evening to just chill and clear my mind.
Don’t worry, it’s not about not wanting to hang out.
It’s more about making sure I’m fully present when we do.
Cool with that?
Just 15 minutes, to take a break from work.
Okay?”

Make sure your communication is specific for the person who will listen to your statement.

You know, one thing is talking to a friend, another to your boss.

5.    Now, before using the statement, test it with a friend.
You know, that friend you can tell anything to.
That’s right, that friend!
Test the Boundary Statement with your friend — just to get feedback.
If you want, test it with 2-3 friends or family members.
Especially if the statement is intended for an “important” person.

6.    Now improve your Statement based on your friends’ feedback.
This way you’ll be able to communicate assertively.