Managing Anger

How do I keep myself from getting angry?
I simply try to use the S.T.O.P. technique.
Now, before jumping into the technique, let’s reflect.
Why do we sometimes get angry?
I truly believe we get angry when our core values are trampled on.

For example, my core value is RESPECT.

To me, “respect” has 4 dimensions:
1.   Respect for people
2.   Respect for animals
3.   Respect for nature
4.   Respect for my time

So, I could get angry only if see:
1.   Someone disrespecting people (especially those who are less fortunate)
2.   Someone disrespecting animals (especially stray animals)
3.   Someone disrespecting nature (especially those who do so intentionally)
4.   Someone disrespecting my time (especially those who know me very well)

Fortunately I prioritize “time”, so it’s hard for me to get angry.
Why?
Because I don’t want to waste time in useless anger.
But if my core value is trampled on, I might get angry.
So I “try” to use the S.T.O.P. technique.
Let’s see how I use it.

1.      S – Stop

When I feel anger is rapidly coming to visit me, I immediately
→     stop what I’m doing
→     stop what I’m saying
I imagine becoming an Egyptian mummy.
I don’t know why “an Egyptian mummy” — maybe because I love Africa 🙂

2.      T – Take a Breath

After becoming an Egyptian mummy I take a deep breath:
→     Breathe in through the nose for 5 seconds
→     Hold for 5 seconds
→     Breathe out through the mouth for 5 seconds.
This allows me to focus on the present moment — and not think about what happened a couple of minutes before.

3.      O – Observe

After that, I take a step back mentally and observe my thoughts, my emotions, and my feelings.
I usually try to answer these questions:
→    What thoughts triggered my anger?
→    What emotions triggered my anger?
→    What feelings triggered my anger?

This allows me to:
→    Keep myself in the present moment
→    Alleviate the anger
→    Learn from myself so that next time I can face the “challenge” in a better way.

4.      P – Proceed mindfully

Once I’ve observed the situation, I ask myself a specific question.
This question is based on how much I value my time, so it can give me the right motivation to act in the right way.

The question is:
→  What is the best thing you can do now to proceed mindfully and avoid risking wasting time?

As you can see, I used the leverage of “risking wasting time” so I can find the motivation.
For me, time is really important, so I use that psychological leverage to avoid wasting time on useless anger.