The Avoidance Option

It’s not surprising that many of us try to avoid interacting with difficult people as much as we can. This avoidance behavior is, after all, a manifestation of the “flight” reflex. If we can dodge difficult people, we just don’t have to deal with them, right? Well, not in most cases. Most of the difficult people you know are probably fixtures in your life. Dodge an encounter with your controlling boss or passive-aggressive coworker today, and they’ll just be back to haunt you tomorrow. Put off addressing problems with a selfish spouse or fickle lover now, and you’ll only have to face them later. As for the annoying strangers you encounter out in the world-the road hogs, the litterbugs, the controlling class moms, the tenacious telemarketers-the sad truth is that there’s no way you can avoid such types unless, perhaps, you become a cave yogi or take up work as a lighthouse keeper. Besides, even though the life of a hermit might have a certain transcendental appeal, most of us would actually suffer with too much solitude. Remember, human beings are social creatures at heart-and I don’t use the term “at heart” loosely. Our social bonds are not simply practical but emotional as well. Study after study has shown that people who are socially isolated are at far greater risk of psychological and stress-related physical ailments than those who are part of various social networks. Don’t misunderstand: taking a breather from a tough interpersonal situation or “getting away from it all” now and again can be good. Doing these things can help restore your perspective. But fleeing the challenging people in your life, or shutting yourself off from other people in general, offers no permanent solution to the dilemma of difficult people.