Solitude: Learning to Love Yourself

Let Yourself Be Alone

We Can all agree that no one wants to be lonely. In fact, many people would rather stay in an unhappy relationship than be single. If you type the phrase “Will I ever..” into a search engine, it predicts that the next words you will enter are “find love,” because “Will I ever find love” is the is the most popular question people ask about their future. This question reveals our insecurity, our fear, our anxiety around loneliness, and these very feelings prevent us from finding love. Researchers at the University of Toronto found through a series of studies that when we’re afraid of being single, we’re more likely to settle for less satisfying relationships. Specifically, we’re more likely to become dependent on our partners and less likely to break up with them, even when the relationship doesn’t meet our needs. Being in a relationship seems like the obvious cure for loneliness. Aren’t we lonely because we’re alone? But the fear of loneliness interferes with our ability to make good decisions about relationships.