Karma and Relationships

I had a client whose ex left an impression on her. He was extremely ambitious, trying to get a foothold in a new career. She like his drive but was unhappy that he was never available. Then she met a man who was extremely attentive. At the end of their first date, he asked her out again, and from then on, he couldn’t have been more available-texting her, making plans, and checking in to see how her day was going. This was exactly what she’d been looking for! Within a few weeks, they started spending almost all their time together. But after a few months, she realized what was really going on. He wasn’t just attentive, he was obsessive. The attention he was giving her was based on insecurity, not love. He was possessive and scared that she would leave him. My client had made a choice based on an impression, but her focus was too narrow. Her karma taught her that her impression was too reactive. She didn’t need or want to be someone’s entire focus. She just wanted him to be present when he was with her. In the course of these tow relationships, my client used her karma to refine what she was looking for in a mate. The impressions we form in our youth tell us what love should look like and feel like. They suggest what’s attractive and what’s dorky, how we should treat others and be treated, what profession they should have, and who should pay for dinner. But if we don’t understand how our impressions were formed and how we make choices, then we keep repeating the same karma. The same impressions lead to the same choices. We love others in response to the way we’ve been loved by others. But if we can put our impressions in context, so we see and understand their origins, then we have the perspective and opportunity to form a new impression. For instance, if I understand that I guilt-trip my partner because my mother guilt-tripped me, then that recognition inspires me to break the cycle. Understanding our impressions is the first step to freeing ourselves from the samskaras planted by a childhood over which we had no control.