Why It’s Helpful to Identify Others’ Tendencies

On the flip side, when we understand others’ Tendencies, we’re more tolerant of them. For one thing, we see that a person’s behavior isn’t aimed at us personally. That questioner isn’t asking questions to undermine the boss or challenge the professor’s authority; the Questioner always has questions. A reader wrote, “I’ve lived with a Rebel for the past seven years. It’s comforting to know that his way of being is as natural for him as being an Obliger is for me.” Knowing other people’s Tendencies also makes it much easier to persuade them, to encourage them, and to avoid conflict. If we don’t consider a person’s Tendency, our words may be ineffective or even counterproductive. The fact is, if we want to communicate, we must speak the right language-not the message that would work most effectively with us, but the message that will persuade the listener. When we take into account the Four Tendencies, we can tailor our arguments to appeal to different values. On the other hand, when we ignore the Tendencies, we lower our chance of success. The more an Upholder lectures a Rebel, the more the Rebel will want to resist. A Questioner may provide an Obliger with several sound reasons for taking an action, but those logical arguments don’t matter much to an Obliger; external accountability is the key for an Obliger.