Weaknesses (and Strengths)

As with all the Tendencies, the Upholders’ strengths can become weaknesses. The Upholder can become the fearless campaigner for justice, or the hanging judge who blindly enforces the law, or the tattletale schoolchild who reports every minor infraction by the other kids, or the boss who rejects the report because it’s submitted an hour late. Because of their affinity for meeting expectations,, Upholders may feel compelled to observe rules even when it’s more sensible to ignore them. Although I have no problem using a unisex bathroom, I cant’ make myself use a restroom marked MEN, even if it’s a single0occupant room. An Upholder friend told me, “On my way to the hospital to give birth, I told my husband not to speed, and I insisted that he park in the correct lot, even though I wound up giving birth less than twenty minutes after we pulled in.” Upholders sometimes become impatient0or even disdainful-when people reject expectations, can’t impose expectations on themselves, or question expectations. An Obliger reader wrote, “I told a coworker that I can’t take vitamins because it’s hard to stick to it without external accountability. She said “Grow up.” Yep, sounds like an Upholder. Not a very nice Upholder, but an Upholder. As an Upholder, I want others not merely to meet expectations but to want to meet them. I like to cross items off a to-do list, meet self-imposed deadlines, and follow instructions, and for a long time it perplexed me when others didn’t feel the same way. Now I realize that I’m being even more demanding because of my desire not to be demanding.