It’s not personal; it’s personal

We have seen that complaining does not improve relationships. Rether, complaining tends to compound and perpetuate relationship challenges. but there is another, very compelling reason not to complain in relationships. An article in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reports that when you complain, the listener actually ascribes the negative traits you are griping about back to you. In their findings, titled “Spontaneous Trait Transference: Communicatiors Take on the Qualities They Describe in Others.” the authors write, ” Politicans who allege corruption by their opponents may themselves be perceived as dishonest and gossips who describe others’ infidelities may themselves be viewed as immoral.” There is something inside us that knows that the things we find most distasteful in others are often unresolved issus or attributs of oursleves. This is why others ascribe the content of our complaints back onto us. Relationships help us grow; growth is discovering the things about ourselves that need to heal and change. Growth can only come through change and areas for growth are many times brought to the surface via conflicts with other people. When you feel like complaining about another person, first seek to discover if you share the same behavior.
#stewartlifecoaching #it‘snotpersonalbutit’spersonal #lookwithinyourselfbeforecomplaingingaboutothers

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